Back to life, but in lockdown

Who would have thought that this is where we would be by now. Dystopian writers, we salute you whilst begging for a happier ending…

I apologise for the sound of silence on my social media, I am now beginning to see daylight again after a rough few weeks. Living with a disability is, well – let’s not put a party hat on it and try to call it well-adjusted – variable. The coming storm of Corona mean early isolation, enforced by a significant drop in my own health and a new diagnosis to have fun with. No more chocolate, screw that!! I will hide it between blood tests 😉 Alcohol, not even up for discussion!

All that I can deal with, after some adjustments – painful though they were/are. Hang on, emergency Twix required… Here’s a picture to look at whilst I gorge…

Actually, the rest of March turned out to be a shocker. Dad has been in a care home for 15 months, wonderful place with truly dedicated and caring staff. Shout out to Balhousie Rumbling Bridge! A phonecall, one I had been dreading, came through on the Sunday to say Dad had suffered a stroke. I met the ambulance at the hospital yet don’t recall the journey. I stayed overnight, popping home to refresh and prepare for Mother and Brother to arrive that evening. I, as guardian, was called upon to make heart breaking decisions about his care once I was told he wouldn’t regain consciousness as the stroke was in his brain stem.

My Mum, Brother and I spent each day with him until he fell asleep on the Friday morning which would have been his own Father’s birthday. His funeral was the 1st April.

I wrote the outline of the funeral, selecting two secular readings both meaningful to us. The music played was from my own CD’s. The admin has also fallen to me. All by my assertive and bossy attitude, offers of help have always been forthcoming.

How does a person come back from this? A part of me died during the funeral as I let my first tears come forward. We were so blessed to avoid the restrictions now in place. We were able to be with Dad at the hospital, we were able to have a funeral although numbers were strictly limited. My Mother and Brother were able to travel the 450 miles up to see us.

For now I am struggling with many things however know that I must get back on track. Nightmares and sleep-talking are current issues causing strange looks from the kittens. My family and friends are absolutely wonderful. Through the stress of everything I know that it will hit me again, just not when as the world has much bigger issues to sort out right now. Stay safe, stay well.